You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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