I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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