My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
