I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize