What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
