i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
