Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
