You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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