this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
