yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
