you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
