how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
