I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
