so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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