I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese