Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...