Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies