9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.