He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture