Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?