Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Green mimosas i think yes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.