I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.