I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha