I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
