onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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