Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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