her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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