Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
