whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
