I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
