Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
