you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
