whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
