Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
