I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
