There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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