He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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