whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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