'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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