i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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