He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
