Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
