she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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