So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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