Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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