I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
