That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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