i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
