Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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