Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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