About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
