Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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