He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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