i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
