TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
