I'm really into asian looking animals
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
