I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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