Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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