Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
