Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
