I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
