Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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