You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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