I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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