you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
