batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
