The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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