Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
