never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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