Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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