Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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