She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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