The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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